How to deal with problems between people when living in an Intentional Community? Is 'community' an illusion?

The need of people to get confirmation for their self image and their concepts let them seek 'community', so finding people with the same world view, fighting for the same goals, etc. These mostly means creating things or changing these on the outside; rejecting the truth that a real change only can happen from the inside, what means to get to know oneself. But this is not wanted in reality, although it is claimed as a goal. When confronted with reality and the problems showing up, then always the fault is given to the outside cirstances and others, hardly ever people look at themselves and realize their own condition and unconscious background programs. How can one deal in a creative way with such difficulties? Meditation would be an effective mean, but this often also is rejected or even with a regularly practice people holding tied to their concepts, then mostly 'spiritual' beliefs, not being able to relate and respond to daily happenings in a direct way, but filtering all...